As I’m blowing out the candle on my birthday muffin today, I’ll be wishing for one thing… that everyone in Wisconsin would take this driving test, and after they fail horribly, read the correct answers and learn. It may actually save lives but more importantly, it might make my daily commute less infuriating.

Here’s a hint for the second question Sconnies… the left lane is for PASSING. Also, not on the test but equally important are:

• Turn signals… use ‘em
• Parallel driving is bad and causes traffic
• Don’t drive in someone’s blind spot
• Driving under the speed limit doesn’t get you into heaven
• Cell phones make your bad driving worse
• Stopping traffic, regardless of intentions, is bad

If you have any further questions about driving, just ask a FIB.

It is very unlikely that Glenn Beck Raped and Murdered a Young Girl in 1990. And just because he has never denied that he raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, does not mean that he definitely did do it.

I personally do not think Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 but I support the rights of the many, many Americans that have their doubts and think it should be discussed…

While reading this post that includes an email written by Bill Gates, ranting about the suckiness of Windows, I was torn. On one hand, I thought REVENGE!!!!!; on the other I thought “Bill knows how bad his crap is and releases it anyway”.

“Someone decided to trash the one part of Windows that was usable? The file system is no longer usable. The registry is not usable. This program listing was one sane place but now it is all crapped up.”

On a similar note, since I was just building a new website, I will once again beg y’all to STOP USING INTERNET EXPLORER. Please? Pretty please? Sugar… top? Use ANYTHING else. Chrome, Firefox or Safari would make fine choices and all are MUCH better than IE.

If only I could bill M$ for the time required to code around their buggy, crappy products.

I’ve been trying (and yet failing) to ignore the current political fracas that inevitably culminates into a 50+ kurik turd that is finally ceremoniously flushed on Tuesday, Nov 4th. Although both candidates are guilty of scat slinging, I feel McCain is sinking to new lows and as such, wins the scat muncher award for being the douchiest douche. Congratulations.

Whatever. The long and the short of it is, the republicans have had their day. 2920 days in fact (give or take about 27% of that in vacation time). If you think this country is doing fine, I suggest you get out more but feel free to stay home the first Tuesday of November.

I will say this… if the Demecrats, once in office, screw up as badly as Bush has, fine. I promise to vote for the next republican shepherd. No really, I will. But y’all have had your time and screwed the pooch in impressive ways. Please sit down, you’re turn is over.

Next…

Stephen Colbert and his Formidable Opponent show that while the truth may hurt… it can also be damn funny.

I have been at least 90% sure I would vote for my fellow FIB in the coming Wisconsin Presidential Primary. I was really just waiting to see how he’d react to the campaign process… would he go super negative? Would he crack up? As it turns out, Barack Obama has proven to me, that he’s sincere in his word and therefore deserving of my vote.

Side-note: It was while watching back-to-back speeches from the candidate’s “wives” on CSPAN the other day, when I realized Barack will go the distance and be our next President. Here was Michelle Obama going up against former President Bill Clinton… no easy task. She totally kicked his ass (badly)! It must be nice to have a wife that’s a better orator than Slick Willie. Though in Bill’s defense, speeches are much easier to present when they’re full of truths, rather than veiled attacks.

And lastly, being that Barack is only a few years older than myself, I am of the mind that it is my generation’s turn to fuck up the country! The rest of you have either had your chance or can wait for it.

In the news this week is that Microsoft is offering to buy Yahoo for $44.6 Billion. If this deal goes through, two things will happen. 1. It totally won’t matter. 2. Microsoft will have just bought their own defeat to Google in the “online wars” (for the sake of the argument, please just pretend there is an online war). Here’s the bare-bones story…

Yahoo limps along and stays afloat because they have folks over there making pretty good decisions on what to do. They have their bases covered: search; mail; chat; news; calendar; groups; etc…. Yahoo’s problem is they totally suck at execution. Everything they’ve built or revamped in the last few years has sucked big time. They are fragile and teetering on their own demise.

Now along comes Microsoft with their secret-bunkers full of cash, looking to buy themselves some online big-boy pants. Luckily (and by luckily, I mean unfortunately), they suck at both decisions and execution, and they have proven they understand the internets about as well as George Bush understands… well… seemingly anything. Slightly long story, slightly longer… when Microsoft starts making and executing decisions for Yahoo, Yahoo will die.

Of course everyone gets it… this deal makes a TON of sense for Microsoft, especially if they were competent. Which they are not. So while we’ll have a ton of marginally interesting stories, detailing the changes (and ensuing failures) Microsoft will be making to Yahoo. And allowing folks the opportunity to pick apart each decision ad nauseum. We will all yawn and click for the sports page.

Final score, Google: Win; Microsoft: Not-Win.

I’ve learned some things today (well, technically yesterday).

1. Cross country skiing isn’t especially like riding a bike.
2. When going CC skiing for the first time in 25 years, don’t listen to the REI guy’s recommendation for a “killer” place to go… by “killer” he means you–seeing as you’re buying skis, totally dumb, and obviously a beginner–will be “killed” by the numerous falls you will take because of all the hills. Or perhaps by frostbite… seeing as you will soon have a crotch-full of snow in your pants.
3. Being that you fell 4 seconds after you strapped the skis on, you might consider this will not be an isolated incident. It might be wise to put your cell phone in a more secure pocket.
4. Falling a lot makes one grumpy and in some cases (including this one), cold/wet.
5. Snow does not know how to answer a cell phone… no matter how often you call it.
6. It’s a good idea to keep a spare hippie around. They come in handy when trying to find small devices in the snow at night.

I had the pleasure of filling in for the missing Bruce King at a recent New Pioneers show. Here's some footage from the show... and even more footage if you're crazy like that... or on YouTube if that's your thing.

The show turned out to be a bit of a Bluegrass-smack-upside-the-head. It reminded me that I've been spending a lot of time in the Old-Time world and neglecting the 'Grass. Message received.

Click image to play

QuickTime 7 required.

And please note, because Internet Explorer totally sucks, I can't embed quicktime safely any more. Please stop using Microsoft products where possible. I'd appreciate it.