Dear Ohio,

Are you f’ing stupid? Sorry… I mean hi… Ohio. In your quest to be the California of the Midwest, you’ve donned your wool pantsuits proudly and voted for two republicans. Congratulations!

[FLASHBACK FADE OUT]
In a previous life, I was just finishing up a record and was told I needed to affiliate with either BMI or ASCAP. I decided to meet with both factions and decide which was best. BMI talked about how they promote their artists and how they might help my career. ASCAP talked about what a bunch of dicks BMI were. MORAL: Apparently 54% of Ohio musicians are affiliated with ASCAP.

Eight years ago I was fine with people voting for whomever they like… but eight years ago, I still though most of the country were sane and semi-intelligent folks that would never vote for Bush… especially TWICE! And in a pre-post-Bush America, I can no longer blindly turn the other cheek… and so, to my Midwest brethren, I say UP YOURS OHIO! Please take Cleveland and shove it up your buckeye! You are now dead to us and officially part of the Mideast.

Seriously though… who votes for someone who would use a picture of a dude in a turban and/or the red phone as props to further their cause? Who wants that kind of experience?

I have been at least 90% sure I would vote for my fellow FIB in the coming Wisconsin Presidential Primary. I was really just waiting to see how he’d react to the campaign process… would he go super negative? Would he crack up? As it turns out, Barack Obama has proven to me, that he’s sincere in his word and therefore deserving of my vote.

Side-note: It was while watching back-to-back speeches from the candidate’s “wives” on CSPAN the other day, when I realized Barack will go the distance and be our next President. Here was Michelle Obama going up against former President Bill Clinton… no easy task. She totally kicked his ass (badly)! It must be nice to have a wife that’s a better orator than Slick Willie. Though in Bill’s defense, speeches are much easier to present when they’re full of truths, rather than veiled attacks.

And lastly, being that Barack is only a few years older than myself, I am of the mind that it is my generation’s turn to fuck up the country! The rest of you have either had your chance or can wait for it.

Perhaps it takes that shining beacon of truth, that we call comedy, to cast it's omnipotent light into the dark, dank nether regions of our current administration, before it's sheep-like followers might dare conjure even a hint of doubt and take an honest glance inward. With that in mind, I give you... the Bush Administration in CliffsNotes form.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was forced to speak to the turned backs of many of his audience members today at Georgetown University Law School. The speech was an attempt to justify the Bush administration’s domestic surveillance of US citizens.

A public service announcment from the late Mr. Bill Hicks.

C-Span, thankfully, is still offering their interview with Jon Stewart. This is not only a must-see but a must-see over and over again. In fact, I demand you watch this at least once a year (and it’s been over a year now since it aired). Oh, and feel free to wash it down with the NPR interview as well. Helps the digestion.

C-span is offering a fascinating interview with former President Jimmy Carter where he discusses his new book, Our Endangered Values : America’s Moral Crisis (also available as an audio book).

Listen to the podcast or head over to c-span and subscribe to this or any other of their podcasts…

Bill O’Reilly may be a disingenuous jackass but sometimes he can be as entertaining to watch as his jackass brethren. Case in point… in response to those upset about him essentially wishing a terrorist attack on San Francisco, he replied:

“I’m glad the smear sites made a big deal out of it. Now we can all know who was with the anti-military internet crowd. We’ll post the names of all who support the smear merchants on billoreilly.com. So check with us.”

Now that’s just good clean fun… or perhaps McCarthyism.

Project 7th Grade is a program that issues parents free at-home drug test kits to use on their children. Testing is targeted at 7th graders in the hopes of preventing drug use rather than treating it. The website lists the benefits of the kits including: “Having a kit in your home fosters two-way communication between a parent and child”.

Debbie Moak, founder of notmykid.org, outlined the program when recently on the MSNBC show The Situation, hosted by Tucker “The Dick” Carlson. The interview is available as a podcast.

Interestingly, the Journal of School Health published a study on drug testing in schools [pdf] that reported the following in their conclusion: “The two forms of drug testing that are generally assumed to be most promising for reducing student drug use—random testing applied to all students (and, therefore, also likely applied to those in any extracurricular activities, which may come close to encompassing all students), and testing of athletes—did not produce encouraging results.”.

Clearly, somebody here is high…

For the first time ever, I’m proud to live in California. For anyone that knows me, that will come as a shock. I’m also proud of some of my “peeps” back in the midwest (especially the Secret State).

As I look over this map, it becomes even more clear to me that I’m out of touch with the majority of my country. Fair enough. From now on, some of you people are dead to me… you know who you are… (hint: most of you live in a state that is NOT blue).

I’d like to think that the little white dots represent folks running scared into Canada and Mexico or just jumping into the nearest ocean…